The fall semester is upon us and for a lot of UNT students, that means a roommate. They can range anywhere from your new BFF to your new mortal enemy. As you make your way back to Denton, this week, here is a list of some of the worst TV characters to share your dorm room with.
Blanche Devereaux (The Golden Girls)
The idea of late night chats over cheesecake sound good in theory, but it also sounds like a great way to pack on the Freshman 15. Besides the overabundance of unnecessary snacks, Blanche’s overactive sex life would be pretty inconvenient. The parade of men would get tiresome fast–especially if your dorm has a bunk bed situation. Then, there is her narcism to contend with.
Blair Waldorf (Gossip Girl)
Unless you want to serve Queen B as one of her minions, it’s probably not going to be a good fit. Blair also doesn’t have the best track record with roommates either. Georgia didn’t last long and even when her BFF Serena moved in cat fights were common. Given Blair and her friends’ propensity for becoming cannon fodder for Gossip Girl, it might be wise to keep that room transfer form handy.
Chloe (Don’t Trust the B**** in Apartment 23)
Chloe pretty much lives up to her nickname of The B**** in Apartment 23. She’s an unrepentant saboteur of all her roommates and her BFF James Van Der Beek is much more of a liability than an asset. Chloe is a also registered sex offender and borderline sociopathic. On different occasions, she has slipped her friends illegal Chinese pharmaceuticals to “loosen up,” shot them with tranquilizer darts, and setup hidden cameras for porn site. Escape while you can.
Monica Gellar (Friends)
It theory is sounds like a good idea, but in practice, not so much. Monica’s neuroses would probably be too intense to handle. Sure, there would be cookies, but you’d have to eat them over the sink. Who wants that?
Suzanne Warren/Crazy Eyes (Orange is the New Black)
Suzanne would totally have your back and that’s a good thing. The problem is that it would escalate. Suzanne would become OBSESSED with you. (They don’t call her Crazy Eyes for nothing.) Yeah, she threw her pie to stand up for you, you appreciate it, but that doesn’t mean you’re willing to become her wife.
Ted Mosby (How I Met Your Mother)
Ted would be insufferable to dorm with. Think about it. He takes what feels like a decade to tell a story, would constantly be rambling on about finding “the one,” and let’s face it, even hipsters would call him pretentious. You’d be better off with Barney and his unending parade of one-night stands.
Walter White (Breaking Bad)
I think it goes without saying, but just incase you weren’t aware: DO NOT COOK CRYSTAL METH. Do not cook it in a house. Do not cook it with a mouse. Do not cook it here or there. Do not cook it anywhere. Plus, Walt or his Heisenberg alias, is the kind of guy that would let you choke on your own vomit and die.
LITERALLY ANYBODY from Jersey Shore/Real World/Real Housewives/Etc.
You’re probably realize that anybody who feels compelled to tell you how much they hate drama is usually the cause of it. They didn’t come here to make friends and feel the need to remind you of that fact or accuse you of throwing them under the metaphorical bus. This might be entertaining to watch on TV, but not live with.
Frank Underwood (House of Cards)
Frank would constantly be scheming and plotting against you and that’s when he wasn’t manipulating you to serve his plan. Just get out of his way if you want to stay alive.
Dwight Schrute (The Office)
Unless you’re into bears, beets and Battlestar Galactica, then you already know this is a bad idea. Then you have the added risk factor of Mose and his pet goats moving in too.
Roger (American Dad!)
Roger would probably take up all the available closet space and come home drunk and/or in a disguise constantly. One persona can be difficult enough to deal with, but all of Roger’s personas. No thank you.